breaking up is hard to do

Dear Yogurt Mountain,

We need to talk. I think we need a break. It's just not working out for me. I never agreed this would be mutually exclusive, and I'm just not ready for a commitment. I mean, let's face it, you're kind of a slut. You never have an open parking spot, and some hussy is always cutting me off in the toppings line. It's a hassle to drive on 280 during rush hour, fight of Sienna minivans for a parking spot, and then have to wait in line to spend time together. I don't think you understand my needs and we just don't have anything in common anymore. So I've moved on. I met the greatest new frozen yogurt boutique. His location is fantastic, perfect for an afterwork treat. He's kind of like the "Lars from Norway" of frozen yogurt franchises. Plus, he's so giving, and supporting him means supporting a small business in my community. Mr. Yogurt Lab is a dreamboat waiting to carry me off to far and exotic places via tastebuds. I hope you find someone who makes you just as happy. I just want you to know, it's not you; it's me. But I still think we should be friends. And, hey, there are always plenty of other fish in the sea.

Best Regards,

KMS