My not-so-obligatory-yet-still-important "what I learned sophomore year: part one" list

I was going to wait until May to post this, but I learned a whole lot in one semester, so why wait?

1. You know that saying, "Revenge is a dish best served cold?" Oh no, it should be more like, "Revenge is dish that should be served as a corndog." Not quite as catchy, but wayyyy more true.

2. If you're going to whip your hair back and forth, just be careful not to shatter a glass.

3. Check the boxes before taking multiple cold medicines in one night.

4. Just say no to glitter. In any way, shape, or form.

5. Vienna waits for you.

6. True friends are the ones who will pee in their pants from laughter in front of you. And admit it.

7. Always grab your tiger card on the way out for a fire drill. And a bra.

8. Aerosols should always be sprayed outside.

9. "I was afraid it was going to rain" is not a legit excuse for taking jeep doors up the elevator in front of the RA.

10. Always keep a plunger in the guest bathroom.

11. Find the most private bathrooms. And keep them a secret.

12. You're never too old to watch childhood movies. And maybe even cry just a little bit.

13. Lygers DO exist.

14. It's okay to want your life to turn out just like Kathleen Kelly's.

15. Life's too short to eat bad steak.

16. Sometimes it's socially acceptable to make mildly inappropriate comments in class.

17. Never tweet negatively about Paula Deen.

18. Stalking members of the men's swim team is no big deal, as long as you feel good about it.

19. Having a name that fits perfectly on scantrons will never get old.

20. Mentally hashtagging life is a sign that you tweet too much. #totesoutofcontrol

21. Any word worth having in your vocabulary is one that can easily be abbreved.

22. If you're going to shower, at least jazz it up with some bath crayons.

23. Asian night in Tiger Zone will beat you. Every single time.

24. Outdoor concerts are the best kinds of concerts.

25. Live on the sassy side of life.

26. Maple doughnuts are only for people like Buddy the elf.

27. Sometimes you just have to throw away a trash can.

28. Don't eat waffles if you're allergic to them. Or go to a Waffle House.

29. Three turns should do it, I think.

30. Don't be a Connie.

31. 5 hour energy shots taste like chalk. Chase it down with some chocolate milk or something.

32. If you're going to faint at the doctor's office, best go to Urgent Care on South College.

33. Sometimes you just have to cry on your way to class. Life happens.

34. You can't sweet talk your way into the hay field parking the night before a big game. No matter how cute you are.

35. Life's weird.